this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
