She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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