So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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