I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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