We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
