New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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