your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
