I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize