Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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