Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
