GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
