i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
