My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
