i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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