So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
