Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're a waste of cheezeits
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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