girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
