Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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