My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
