haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
