He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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