is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
