i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
