Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
