She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
