no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
