I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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