I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
