OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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