why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
