You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
