my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
