i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
