You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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