nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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