My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
