I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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