Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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