When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
