hotel room ftw
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
