before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
