I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
