I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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