He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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