Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
