just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
