I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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