I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
