I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
