There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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