Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
