I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
