whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
