i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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