I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize