oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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