Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
