he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
