I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
