His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
