somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
