Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
