I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
