He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
