Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
