Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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