I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
