Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
