So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize