i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
