I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
