if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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