My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
