He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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