fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
