it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
