I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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