I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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