WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
