Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
