We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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