Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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