are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Operation Purity has been aborted
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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