I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
