remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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